Conway Mill Trust

Sign at the ‘Hibernian’ pub in Cork:  “For those who drink to forget, please pay in advance.”

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A priest met a man on the road and recognized him from marrying him many years ago.  He told the man he remembered him because he had been generous and had given him 20 British Pounds.  The man said, “I’ll give you 20 more if you take her back.”

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A Yank stopped at a farm to talk to a farmer in Co Kerry and began bragging about the size of his farm at home. “It takes me two days to drive around each field’, he told the farmer. The farmer replied: “I had a tractor like that one time but I got rid of […]

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A priest was chastising a man for mistreating his donkey.  He reminded the man that it was a donkey that led the Lord into Jerusalem.  The man replied, “If the Lord had this donkey, He wouldn’t be there yet.”

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In 1907 the word “shift” (then a woman’s undergarment) caused the audience viewing ‘The Playboy of the Western World’ by John Millington Synge to become boisterous with their objections to mentioning an undergarment.  Lady Gregory one of the founders of the Abbey Theatre where the play was bring performed asked WB Yeats what she should […]

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Pat Donnelly died and according to custom, was waked at his house and the body prepared by close relatives, Sheila and Dan.  Sheila washed and dressed Pat in his Sunday best and Dan was left to do the shaving.  When Sheila observed the finished body, she wasn’t pleased with Dan’s job and told him so.  […]

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A vacationing American fisherman tried to catch something for 2 weeks to no avail.  Finally, on the last day, he caught a small salmon.  “Dan”, he said to his gillie (professional fishing guide), “that one fish cost me $800.00,” to which Dan replied, “Now weren’t you lucky you didn’t catch two”.

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After hitting her husband on the head with a frying pan, Bridget demanded to know who ‘Jerry’ was as she had found a slip of paper in Pat’s pocket with that name on it.  Pat replied that was the name of the horse he bet on last week. “Well,” says Bridget, “your horse just phoned,” […]

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A newspaper clipping in Dublin read: “Half the council are crooks” but was asked to remove it.  The next week, the following heading appeared: “Half the council are not crooks.”

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Seamus walks into a men’s clothing store in Manhattan and tells the clerk he’s looking for a suit.  Max the clerk tells him he’s in luck.  “If you buy this suit for $800.00, then you can have a second one for half price.”  Seamus says: ‘You don’t understand.  I don’t want to spend that much […]

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